Have you ever had a reaction to a situation that has surprised you? Maybe it was a stressful or angering situation. You have been justified in your thoughts, but your response was blown out of proportion. You don’t know why?
I know this has happened to me in at least one or two instances 🙂
Okay, okay. It’s happened in quite a few instances. I’ve learned about my emotional responses over the years and I’ve slowly started to change how I react. Throughout my 8 years of military service, 2 deployments, and a fair share of difficult family and work situations, I’ve cued in to some important insights I’d like to share with you. Maybe these insights will help you to have more control of your emotional responses to difficult situations.
Everyone gets angry. It’s totally normal and okay. But like my wife says to my kids all the time, “It’s totally fine to be angry. Be angry. But your reaction is not okay.”
If you’re so hyper-focused on frustration and anger, you’re not focused on how you’re feeling. You are in a heightened emotional state.
If you have heightened emotions, you are, by definition, not in control of your emotions.
Nobody wants to have heightened emotions! It’s overwhelming.
So What Do We do about it?
I always suggest to my clients and friends grounding exercises.
Grounding exercises are short meditation exercises to bring you back to the here and now. We do these a lot in my home. They most definitely help everyone breathe in the moment, take some time to calm down, and come back to the difficult situation once they are in better control of their emotions.
Here are 3 grounding exercises to try
- 3 by 3’s:
- First, find an object or something you are physically feeling and focus on it. An example is if you are outside, notice the breeze.
- Next, breathe in deeply. When you exhale, repeat a simple mantra three times about that physical feeling or object: “That breeze feels nice. That breeze feels nice. That breeze feels nice.”
- If you still feel heightened, do it again.
- Notice your 5 senses (if you’re eating food). Notice 4 senses if you aren’t. This works great outside where you can appreciate nature.
- Take 5 counted breaths before re-evaluating the situation. Breathe in for 4 counts, hold for 8, and let it out with pursed lips for 8.
a study recap on deep breathing
Anyone who knows me, knows I love to nerd out and find supporting research on ideas or techniques I suggest. Here is my summary of a study that provided evidence that something as simple as deep breathing really does reduce emotional response:
A meta-analysis found the following:
Read the article here
Physiological Impact: Deep breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps counter the body’s fight-or-flight response. This shift helps reduce physiological markers of stress, like heart rate and blood pressure.
Reduction of Emotional Intensity: By slowing down the breath, individuals can create a buffer between the emotional stimulus and their reaction, thereby reducing the intensity of heightened emotions like anger, anxiety, or fear.
Cognitive Reappraisal: Deep breathing facilitates cognitive reappraisal, a process where individuals reinterpret stressful situations in a more balanced way, reducing emotional overload.
Anxiety Reduction: Multiple studies within the review found that consistent practice of deep breathing significantly reduces symptoms of anxiety by enhancing mindfulness and presence in the moment, preventing emotional spiraling.
Starting out with these self awareness techniques is the most effective thing you can do to start practicing emotional regulation. I know that once you have the power to reduce your heightened emotions, you will feel much more empowered. You will successfully take on difficult situations that are infuriating or unfair.
–Matt