As a combat-veteran-turned-mental-health-therapist, I’ve spent a lot of time working with people who are hesitant to seek mental health support. They believe there is a mental health stigma that rings true.
Me included.
The reason? Stigma. Whether it’s from society, peers, or the self-imposed stigma we carry inside, the shame around asking for help with mental health is powerful. Unfortunately, this stigma stops people from getting the help they need and deserve.
In this article, I’m going to tackle some of the lies we tell ourselves about mental health stigma—especially for those who feel embarrassed or ashamed to ask for help. I’ll share why these beliefs are not truths, and why getting mental health support is one of the strongest and most important things you can do for yourself.
Lie #1: “Asking for Help Means I’m Weak”
This is one of the most common lies I hear, especially from men and military veterans. Many believe that needing help with mental health issues is a sign of weakness. When I first transitioned from active duty into civilian life, I too believed that showing any sign of vulnerability—whether emotional or mental—was a weakness. Life was in total chaos in the transition and I needed to find some help. I realized that strength isn’t about bottling things up until they explode. Strength is about recognizing your limits and seeking help when you need it.
The Truth: Asking for help is actually a sign of strength. It means you have the power to transform into the best possible version of yourself. The same goes for mental health—reaching out to a therapist or counselor is simply seeking help from your “team” to stay strong. Recognizing that you need support is an essential part of maintaining mental and emotional well-being. The strongest people are the ones who understand their need for connection, guidance, and support.
One of my clients came to me after years of struggling with anger, anxiety, and isolation. He had reached a breaking point. For years, he thought that ignoring his feelings and “toughing it out” was the only option. The moment he reached out, he admitted that he felt a huge weight lifting off his shoulders and I was someone who understood and that he felt comfortable confiding in. He realized that seeking help wasn’t a sign of weakness.
Lie #2: “Only ‘Broken’ People Need Therapy”
Another lie many people believe is that therapy is for people who are “broken” or have severe mental health issues. This mental health stigma keeps people from reaching out because they feel they’re not “sick enough” to need therapy. They think, “I’m not that bad off, so why should I bother?” Or “So-and-so has it way worse. I’m not there yet.”
The Truth: Therapy isn’t just for those who are “broken.” It’s for anyone who wants to improve their mental well-being. You don’t have to wait until you’re at your breaking point to see a therapist. Therapy is a tool for growth and self-improvement, just like working out is a tool for physical strength.
Keep in mind, therapy also isn’t meant to be lifelong. My whole goal in my practice is to assess, help heal, and strengthen people to overcome trials and “graduate” from therapy when they finally have the tools to live their most healthy life.
If you’re dealing with stress, anxiety, or even everyday life challenges, therapy can help you improve coping skills and emotional regulation. And that’s something anyone can benefit from.
Lie #3: “I Should Be Able to Handle This on My Own”
This is a lie that many people tell themselves about the mental health stigma, especially in high-stress environments like the military, law enforcement, or corporate careers. We’re often taught that we should be self-sufficient and that asking for help is a sign of weakness. Self-sufficiency comes from asking for help to overcome barriers preventing you from doing just that!
The Truth: This mental health stigma is probably the biggest barrier to achieving success. No one is meant to handle everything on their own. Asking for help doesn’t mean you’re incapable—it means you’re smart. We are social creatures, designed to lean on one another when we need support. That’s why relationships are so critical in our success in this life. There is no shame in reaching out for guidance, advice, or a listening ear when things feel overwhelming.
On a personal note, I know that therapy gave me the tools to handle stress, anxiety, and trauma in healthy ways. I’ve been able to use this knowledge to skate around this mental health stigma for friends and family in my life. I try to be attuned to those who are suffering in silence and reach out.
Lie #4: “Therapy Won’t Help Me”
There’s often an underlying belief that therapy just doesn’t work or that it’s not going to help someone like you. Maybe you’ve tried therapy before and didn’t feel it made a difference – this happens a lot for many people. Or maybe you’re skeptical because you don’t know what to expect or are afraid of opening up to a stranger. These doubts can keep people from taking the first step toward mental health care.
The Truth: Therapy works, but it takes time, and it’s important to find the right fit. It’s not always an immediate, “quick fix,” but when you find the right therapist and are open to the process, therapy can significantly improve your mental health. It is a setting where tools are explained and practiced for you to use them in your life outside of therapy.
I’ve had clients who came to me after bad experiences with therapy. They were frustrated because they didn’t feel any better – felt like a waste. But through patience and a willingness to engage in the process I offer, they eventually started seeing positive changes in their lives. Whether it was through techniques like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), EMDR, or trauma-focused therapy, therapy helped them unpack difficult emotions and experiences, leading to better emotional regulation and coping skills.
If you’ve tried therapy in the past and felt it wasn’t helpful, don’t give up. It might be a matter of finding the right approach or therapist for you. Therapy can be life-changing, but it requires time, trust in the process, and the right therapist.
Lie #5: “I’m the Only One Who Feels This Way”
When you’re struggling with mental health, it can feel like you’re the only one. You might feel isolated or disconnected from others who SEEM to have it all together. But the truth is that millions of people are dealing with similar issues, even though they might not talk about it openly.
The Truth: You are not alone. Mental health struggles are far more common than you think. Whether it’s anxiety, depression, or trauma, millions of people—veterans, healthcare workers, mothers, fathers, children, and everyone in between—face similar challenges. And the more we talk openly about it, the more we break the mental health stigma and help others realize they’re not alone.
It’s Time to Break the Stigma
As we enter the new year, I encourage you to reconsider the lies you could be tell yourself about mental health. Don’t let shame or fear keep you from seeking help. You deserve to live your life at full capacity. Remember that reaching out for support is a sign of strength, of someone looking to better themselves and have the capacity to help others in doing so. Therapy is not just for the “broken” but for anyone who wants to improve their emotional well-being. You don’t have to do this alone, and it’s okay to ask for help.
If you’re ready to take the first step toward better mental health in 2024, I’m here to help. Reach out to me for professional guidance and support as you work toward breaking free from the stigma and living a healthier, more fulfilling life.